Monday, September 24, 2007

Deep Thought

A few days ago, was really hard for me, physically, and mentally.

I think, I'm suffering from some sort of delusion!


neh... it is one of those time, where you give yourself a really really really deep thought about what are you, doing in this pitiful, sad, miserable planet called earth!


Results.....(haven't actually thought of it)

see.. what was really bothering me lately was,

"Am I the product of what I was in the past, or the product that I'm making myself to be, in the future?"

Yes, I know, I have a past of testimony wish could easily mount up bigger than the current president of the United State.. But, what the worth of it?

Not in a million years, if I dream to ever become president of Malaysia would come true.
Even with my over qualified pass record!

However, what if i waited a million plus 1 year? Or maybe a day? Or a minute? Or a second?

Probably, that slightest, tiniest time, it came true?
And, I was the President of the Human Race!!

*Big dreams Hwei Ming!!*

Trufully, and Honest,

Most of the time, in my life, maybe not yours, I am doing the things, I hardly see the future in it!

I want to be a successful businessman, I want to hold an empire of busineses, an empire state building! or maybe, a private island of my own.
But, what am i doing as a biomedical scientist?

Today, I might make a decision, Tomorrow, I might of regret it, but, what if, the day after tomorrow, the decision i made today, was the right one?

Question...question..question, and many more question, ringing in my head!

What if?what if not? what if i do? what if i ask? what if i say?

One thing for sure, nothing is for certain in this world.
i guess, that is why human invented the word ''risk"!

If you don't take "risk"today, you might regret tomorrow...
but, what if I take "risk" today, and tomorrow, i regret?

Then, one would say, thats why, you must take "risk" when taking the "risk"...
If thats the case, I would say, so, I am "risking"to take the "risk"which in itself is a "risk"which in itself is a "risk"which in itself is a "risk"which in itself is a "risk"which in itself is a "risk"which in itself is a "risk"which in itself is a "risk"which in itself is a "risk".... The list could go on....... EXPONENTIALY!!

Alright, now, I've made it clear, everything is risk!!
You might drink a cup of water today, it is a risk!.. What if you drink the water, and the water itself is contaminated? What if you dont drink the water? for certain, you'll be dehydrated. What if you do drink the contaminate water? for sure, 100% you'll die. What if i ask whether i should drink the water? For sure, someone will knock you in your head!

Well, then, the question now is, WHAT IS FOR CERTAIN??

have you ever heard of the Principle of Uncertainty?
Well, if this would, you walk and talk Physic all the time, maybe you'll heard of it.
But, come on, I'm human, and please, leave physic behind...

Lets talk, like the norm... Negate Physic...

I am sure, if you are a normal human, you wouldn't go to a shop, walk around the counter, see a can of food you want to go and buy, and then tell yourself, "I am 95% confidence that 45%-55% that, I am going to buy this can of food because..yea.. your mama told you so..."

Well, even you actually do that 95% confidence interval nonsense, you are still 5% not certain.

Now, this big question is, how many percent, on average, the decision you make everyday, is for certain?

ok... Lets count the mean for me...

Eating(99% for sure, I would eat!!)
Sleep( I give it, lets say... 90%)
Blog( let see... I updated, maybe, 2 time a week, 4 weeks in a month, so... 25%)
Study( definately 0.1%)

GOSH!!! I'm only 53.525% certain at a god given second of my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, for this given second in my life, 46.475% I am uncertain that the air that i breath is safe to breath! I am 46.475% uncertain that, what my feeling telling me now are certain! I am 46.475% uncertain that, what I am typing now, is going to be read by you!

Well, now, that my lame mean calculation of my certainty is done, and set at 53.525%, a bit pathetic, I know..

This mean, 53.525% when i talk to you, I really mean it. 46.475% I don't mean it!
*gosh.. I'm a fucking liar!!*

Almost half of the time, I am lying, maybe not to you alone, but to myself!

Now, probably, that is why, sometimes, I make decision, where, uncertainly, I regret and do not regret. Statistic don't lie! Hwei Ming is 53.525% certain and 46.475% uncertain at a god given time!

So now, to you, I would like to take this opportunity, to say, I am sorry if I've hurt your feelings as i was 53.525% certain i was doing the right thing, 46.475% of my mind, is thinking likewise.

To end this post, here's a peice of advise, don't think so deep like what I did.
Because, it is not worth you time!

I took a few day, thinking about it, only a few minutes writing it in this blog.
And, i bet, in a few days time, I would forget about my certainty mean.

"This is a cruel world, sometimes, we say things, we regret saying, and it will be too late to take back those words. If i've ever say or done any of these, I am sorry from the bottom of my heart. And, honestly, that is 100% true from my heart and soul"(Hwei Ming, 2007)

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